Oh God, oh God. I have been working on the tidying for days. All the bins and recycling boxes have been filled and emptied many times. Scrubbing, sweeping, hoovering, sorting, binning. Not helped by the tendency of 3 small people to trash the entire residence every time they enter it. Today I thought I was all but there. I heaved a mighty sigh of relief. Put the kettle on. Popped to the loo. And then I saw it.

There was only a DRIED UP NUGGET OF TURD lying in the corner of the bathroom floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feral children!! How could that even happen? It was at least 1.5m from the toilet! Perhaps it was just a lump of mud, I hear you cry. But I’m afraid there can be no mistake. I picked it up and sniffed it. And I am not big on forensics, but I suspect it had not been very recently produced.

Oh help. Anyway. Rest assured that that has now been dealt with, and all is clean and tidy on the home front. I have cunningly timed this one to coincide with a week’s holiday, so staying neat for a week should be achievable.